Tessa

Is this not the most gorgeous child you've ever seen in your life?

These pictures are from last summer - I don't have any great ones that are recent.

Truthfully, it's tough to get a picture that shows how pretty she is.  She's awkward in front of a camera - it's my fault, for having taken so many pictures of her when she was a baby.

She pulls faces - grimaces, bug eyed stares...she means well, she just doesn't seem to understand the command "smile!"

Anyway - that's not the point. 

The point is that she's beautiful.  They way our genes combined to create this face is a true miracle of nature.

She's so, so smart.  She does well in school - all A's in every subject.  Also amazing that she could inherit my love of History and reading and Matt's love of Math and Science.  God smiled on us when he gave us Tessa.

She didn't say "no" to me or challenge anything I asked her to do until after she was 4, I swear.  Even now she's a good girl most of the time and does what she's asked (unless, of course, she's asked to clean her room.)

She's the friendliest child you'll ever meet.  She waves at strangers in cars like she's a pageant queen.  I literally have to tell her - "you're not in a parade!"

She's so sweet.  Tessa ALWAYS has a hug and a kiss for whomever wants one.  Even when she was a tiny baby Tessa never played favorites - she'd let anyone hold her and love her (though not for long - she was as active then as she is now!)

The one quality that Tessa does not have (yet!) is leadership.  She's very easily influenced by others. When she plays with kids that are well behaved, she's an angel.  When she plays with kids that are not well behaved, she's a maniac.  

There's a girl in her class at school that's a terrible influence on her. When she's been playing with this girl she gets in trouble in class, she neglects to bring home her homework and her lunch bag, she doesn't listen for her name at loading and I have to wait at overflow for her, she has a bad attitude all around...

Most disturbing, she's destructive. She's destroyed 2 binders at the prompting of this child. Literally ripped those 1", plastic-y 3 ring binders apart. She used bark chips on the playground to dig large holes in a pair of uniform pants. When I asked her about it, she lied and told me she fell. It was in an odd place for a fall - but I didn't question her. Until a few days later when she did the same thing to tear holes in her uniform skort. THEN I got the truth out of her.

I've told her a number of times that while it's okay for her to be friendly with this girl, I don't want her being BEST friends with her. 

She's confused by this. She tells me things like "but mom, she's nice to me - I have to be nice to her!"

And I tell her "honey - I want you to be nice to her! I just don't want you to be her best friend!"

To be fair - they are not best friends. Tessa is very outgoing and plays with everyone. I know that not only from what she tells me, but from what I see when I'm at the school. 

I asked her teacher about it a few weeks ago - concerned that maybe I was demonizing the girl. I don't want to be one of those parents that blames their child's behavior on someone else.

Ms. McKee said no - I was right. This girl is a problem child. She is a bad influence. She said she doesn't know what her home life is like, but that this girl is never prepared for school, she struggles with her work...she even started school 3 days late because her parents misplaced the paperwork.  

Ms. McKee was comforting. She said it's my right and responsibility as a parent to make sure my child isn't playing with children that might be a bad influence on her.

That helped be not to feel so terrible.

Yesterday I was in school for the St. Patricks Day party.  Before I left, Ms. McKee pulled me aside and told me I was right about her influence. In the past few days she's noticed Tessa playing with this girl more often, and her behavior in class has been worse for it. She's gotten in trouble several times.

I wasn't surprised - she's also been more argumentative at home.

When we left I told Tessa I don't want her playing with this girl at all anymore.  My gentle requests that she not play with her too often aren't working.  And I don't want Tessa's grades and behavior suffering because she's hanging around the wrong kids.  

It breaks my heart to do that.  

I hate the thought that Tessa might be learning that it's okay not to be friends with someone.

I hate the thought that this other little girl won't have my sweet daughter as a friend.  

It makes me cry - even now!

I don't know what else to do.

I do know that Tessa's personality just isn't strong enough right now for her to influence this other child.  It's definitely the other way around.

I really feel like it's best for Tess not to hang around this girl.  I just wish it wasn't so hard.

Who knew that 1st grade friendships would be so hard on mommy?